so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
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I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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