I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
