I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
