I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
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Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
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She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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