There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
