A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
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What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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