Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
