woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
