lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
