Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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