Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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