Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
