I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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