just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
