If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
