I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
