I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize