i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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