im drinking this country out of the recession.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
