is your mom at the bar?
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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