Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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