i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
