I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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