Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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