i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
