Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
