I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
