o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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