just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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