I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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