I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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