He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
