she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
