Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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