i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
