Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
