We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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