Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
