I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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