If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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