I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
