Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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