...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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