I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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