my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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