So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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