im about as happy as oj after his trial
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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