I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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