Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
