I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
