She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
