So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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