we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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