Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just blew my weed a kiss
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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