i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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