i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
