I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
