She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
