I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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