dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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