I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
