she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
