Having a random hookup so left but love u
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
