They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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