I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
