Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
