I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
